Talking to Girls

I keep hearing about how we aren't supposed to tell girls that they are pretty because then we give them the message that beauty is the most important thing. BALONEY! "They" say if you tell girls they are pretty it will lead them to eating disorders and extreme dieting. Again, I say BALONEY! "They" say you should compliment other things than their outward appearance.

So, here is what I say. . . 

I tell my daughters they are beautiful because, frankly, they are. Even if they are not beautiful, they are to me. I want them to not only know that I think that they are beautiful but I want them to believe that they are beautiful. . . no matter what anyone else thinks or says.

I know children repeat what they hear. I believe a huge reason why girls think they need to diet is because they hear women then know, love, and admire saying they need to diet. I try to never say that I need to loose weight. I try to never say that I need to go on a diet. (At least when in earshot of my daughters). Instead, I say how much I need to exercise or eat healthier. 

So, now I am teaching my daughters that they are beautiful and it is important to exercise and the eat healthy. These are important qualities for them to have in life.

Those are my solutions to preparing them for a world wear appearances are everything. But that is not the only thing I need to equip them with. 

I compliment my daughters in so many other ways. 

I tell my daughters that 

they are smart
they are helpful
they are polite
they are nice
they are responsible

I could go on, but I think you get the idea.

Not only do I tell them those things but I give examples. I'll say things similar to this:

"Thank you for picking that up for me. You are so helpful."
"That was a nice thing to say, you are so polite. Thank you for saying excuse me."
"Wow, you did such a good job saying the letters in the alphabet. You are so smart."
"You cleaned your room all my yourself. Thank you for cleaning it without me reminding you. You are so responsible."
"Thank you for sharing with your sister. You are such a nice person."

So, now I am not only teaching my daughters that they are beautiful, to exercise, to be healthy, to be a good person, and they are smart.

In summary, I want them to be a well rounded, confident women.

Don't tell me to not compliment my daughters' looks. I do not want them to grow up thinking they are ugly (even if they were) because thinking you are ugly can do just as much damage as thinking you are pretty. At least the kind of damage all those people are saying that are caused by telling a girl she is cute or pretty. 

Bottom line is my daughters are special. I want them to believe that.

Removing Children From One or Both Biological Parents

So, I have heard many different arguments for and against same-sex marriage. Twice now, I've read that a result of same-sex marriage is that children are removed from one or both of their biological parents.

Really? Wow. That sounds like children are being taken away from their very own loving married heterosexual parents and given to a homosexual couple.

UM, that is not the way ADOPTION works.

I have too many friends and family members who were unable to have children of their own. Couples who tried for years to have their own children. OR couples who were told by their doctor to stop having babies or the mother WOULD die and yet, they knew they were not finished growing their family.

These loving heterosexual married couples were able to grow their families through adoption. There are many reasons why a mother makes the heart wrenching decision to give up her baby for adoption. 60 years ago unwed women were FORCED and PRESSURED to give up their children for adoption. But that is not how it works today. In a world of "babies" having babies, teenage pregnancies, and unwed mothers can you really give the impression that children are being "removed from one or both biological parents?" In my opinion, that argument is actually against adoption. Sure, technically in adoption a child is removed from his/her biological parents but the child isn't taken away, ripped away from his/her parents' loving arms. The child is given to a loving couple in order to provide that child the best circumstances is life; a life with a mother and a father (for arguments sake, we could even say two loving parents. . . or even one, single parents can even adopt).

There are many reasons why a mother decides to give up a baby for adoption. I have not done the research, I don't know all the reasons, I could look it up, if you know the answer, you could tell me, but I really, truly believe that MOST babies given up for adoption are given up by young unwed mothers who decide that they are too young to be a mother and want to bless the life of a family who is not able to have children of their own. That is not selfish, it is a selfless sacrifice, one the adoptive family treasures forever.

So when someone says same-sex marriage is wrong because children are  removed from biological parents, I actually think they are also saying that adoption is wrong. . . and let me tell you, MANY children's lives have been blessed because they were adopted into a LOVING family.

When done correctly, adoption is a blessing.

Freedoms

Equal rights for everyone. Just because you hand "rights" to one group of people does not mean those same "rights" should be taken away from another.

I was once asked what offended me. I couldn't answer. I knew there was something that just made my blood boil but I couldn't remember what it was. Well here it is. . . What offends me? When someone demands something of me without giving me the same courtesy. You want same-sex marriage? Fine, you can have it. I don't want it. That is not what I want and it is not what I want for my children. Does that mean I will love my children any less if years down the road they choose a different path than the one I dreamed for them? No. Does it mean I am not going to teach them what I believe to be correct? Absolutely not. I am going to teach my children my beliefs and that is my constitutional right. Do not take that away from me. And I will not teach my students anything contrary to my beliefs but I am also very careful to not be accused of teaching my religion to my students.

Here is an example.

One day I had some 2nd graders arguing over ghosts. Now, of course this is not covered in the 2nd grade curriculum, nevertheless I felt like I needed to interfere for several reasons 1) I wanted to avoid a fight 2) I wanted to avoid hurt feelings 3) I wanted to avoid children going home being afraid of ghosts.

So, this is what I did. I asked, "What happens when you die?" See, I asked a question that would allow them to answer with their own beliefs, based on the beliefs they were taught at home by their parents. What was their answer? "You go to heaven." So I asked, "What goes to heaven? You body?" Their answer, "No, your body goes in the ground." A ha! They mentioned burial and heaven, not me. I didn't have to go into burial vs cremation. All I was doing was asking questions. They were doing all the "teaching." So I asked, "Then what goes to heaven?" Their answers, "Your spirit." Then I did the teaching. . . "That is what a ghost is." So I had more questions.

"I thought it was called your spirit."
"Yes."
"I thought it was called your soul."
"Yes."
"So a spirit and a ghost are the same thing."
"Yes."
etc. etc. etc.

No matter what they asked, my answer was yes. Whatever they called it was perfectly acceptable. You know what, it gave each of them peace of mind and taught them to be tolerant of other's beliefs. Luckily we were on our way to lunch so we could not finish the conversation because if it had continued, they would have started asking me about my beliefs. I know, I could sense it. The last thing I want is to be accused of teaching my religion to my students. I completely understand, accept, and defend the separation of church and state. I completely understand, accept, and defend the rights to free speech. You see my students have the right to talk about their religion at school. So am I. I am allowed to talk to coworkers about my religion. I am allowed to talk to parents and children who ask about it. BUT I am a teacher. There is a very fine line between sharing with other what I know and teaching others what I know. Therefore, as a teacher, I avoid sharing with my students.

Here is another example.

One time I had a third grader ask me about Christmas. I tried giving her the secular answer but she started asking me about the Christian beliefs about it. This was during recess, not during class. She really wanted to know more about Jesus. I told her that she needed to talk to her parents about it. She told me her parents didn't know anything about Jesus. You see, she came from a Chinese family. She was at school to learn. This was what she wanted to learn that day. So I very carefully told her a very little about Jesus Christ, using facts and saying things like, "Christians believe." I honestly don't remember everything I said. What I do remember was that I was very brief because the last thing I wanted was for her parents to accuse me of trying to convert their daughter to Christianity when all I was doing was try to answer her questions.

So, now what about this non-gender marriage talk that has been going on? How will I address this in my classroom? I'll tell you how. . .

First of all, keep in mind this is NOT a new topic. As much as I would love to say that all children should come from a man-woman/husband-wife family I know that is not true. Many children are raised by single mothers. And why are they single? Divorce? Death? Many children are raised by single fathers. Why? Same reasons. Many children are raised by grandparents. Many children are raised by other family members. Many children have two sets of parents, a mother & step father and a father & step mother. Many children are raised with same-gender parents. I can go on and on and on. There are too many different scenarios. Therefore when I talk about FAMILIES I talk about all different kinds of families. The last thing I want is for a child to feel like there is something wrong with him/her because he does not fit the mold of the "typical," and dare I say "ideal," family. The best way to do this is to ask them who they live with and we discuss the different families in our own classroom.

I know very well how to be sensitive to my students' family situations. These two situations bring tears to my eyes.

I had a student who lived with her aunt and uncle. I didn't know why. I didn't ask. Eventually I found out and I was very sensitive to it. I didn't know why her mother was in the situation she was in nor was it my place to ask. When she came back to school one weekend so excited and she was telling all her classmates that she got to visit her mother in jail. You bet I did not let any of those students in my class say anything about the fact that her mother was in jail. I showed her how excited I was for her that she got to spend time with her mother, no matter how sad I was for her that her mother was in jail.

I also had a student who told me that he wanted to write a thank you card to his mom. He told me that she was not her real mom and that he was going to be living with his real mom again. He wanted to thank his mom for taking care of her. Again, I told him how nice that was of him that 1) he was going to write a thank you card to her and 2) he gets to be with his real mom again. I did not show him how sad I felt for him that he had to be taken away from him mother, for whatever reason (I didn't ask).

So see, I can be sensitive. I do know how to teach my students. I can separate my personal beliefs and do what is best for my students. I DO NOT NEED the government telling me how I should teach.

That is something else that offends me. I went to school. I am a teacher. I am an educated individual. Don't treat me like I am not. Please just let me do my job. I went into teaching because I love children. . . not because I enjoy politicians who know nothing about teaching or child development or child psychology telling me what and how I am supposed to teach. Just let me do my job. . . oh yeah, and don't take away my freedoms. Not only do I protect my rights but I protect the rights of others. How do I do this? Well it is a fine line. . . and here is how I teach it to my students. At least this is one example.

The preamble to the constitution states that the constitution is written to ensure domestic tranquility. Well, what does that mean? It means that I have the right to feel safe. . . safe at school, safe at home, safe in my neighborhood, safe no matter where I go. Well, the constitution also states in the bill of rights that I have the right to say what ever I want.

So far the students are with me. They totally agree with me. So I go on.

So does that mean I can tell (name a student) that I think she is ugly? That she is stupid?

Students now say no. I can't.

Oh, but I have the freedom of speech. I can say whatever I want. Does (name that student again) feel safe?

Students all agree she does not feel safe.

So, I can say whatever I want because that is my constitutional right but I also have to remember she has the constitutional right to feel safe at school. If my saying that she is ugly and stupid does not make her feel safe should I say it even though that is my constitutional right?

Of course they all agree that I should not. . . and the message is clear, but I go on.

Just because I have the freedom to do something does not mean that I should do it, especially if it means I am going to take away someone else's freedom of something else.

The Golden Rule - let's live by it. Please let us all treat other people the way we want to be treated. I just want to be accepted for who I am and allowed to live and believe the way I feel in my heart is the way I should be living. I accept others for who they are and allow them to live and believe the way they feel in their heart is correct. The ONLY exception is when someone does something (even in the name of freedom) that takes away someone else's rights.

Please excuse my ramblings. I had to get this off my chest.



                              

Sacred Things

So, a few days ago I posted about our society's lack of holding things sacred, like Thanksgiving.  Today I thought I'd post about something I hold sacred.

Spending time with my family, especially my daughter.  She's growing up so fast and I'm afraid before to long I will realize I missed watching her grow and develop.

The gospel of Jesus Christ.  My testimony is very precious to me. I am afraid I take my relationship with my Savior for granted.  

I suppose everything else just falls into one of those two categories.