Talking to Girls

I keep hearing about how we aren't supposed to tell girls that they are pretty because then we give them the message that beauty is the most important thing. BALONEY! "They" say if you tell girls they are pretty it will lead them to eating disorders and extreme dieting. Again, I say BALONEY! "They" say you should compliment other things than their outward appearance.

So, here is what I say. . . 

I tell my daughters they are beautiful because, frankly, they are. Even if they are not beautiful, they are to me. I want them to not only know that I think that they are beautiful but I want them to believe that they are beautiful. . . no matter what anyone else thinks or says.

I know children repeat what they hear. I believe a huge reason why girls think they need to diet is because they hear women then know, love, and admire saying they need to diet. I try to never say that I need to loose weight. I try to never say that I need to go on a diet. (At least when in earshot of my daughters). Instead, I say how much I need to exercise or eat healthier. 

So, now I am teaching my daughters that they are beautiful and it is important to exercise and the eat healthy. These are important qualities for them to have in life.

Those are my solutions to preparing them for a world wear appearances are everything. But that is not the only thing I need to equip them with. 

I compliment my daughters in so many other ways. 

I tell my daughters that 

they are smart
they are helpful
they are polite
they are nice
they are responsible

I could go on, but I think you get the idea.

Not only do I tell them those things but I give examples. I'll say things similar to this:

"Thank you for picking that up for me. You are so helpful."
"That was a nice thing to say, you are so polite. Thank you for saying excuse me."
"Wow, you did such a good job saying the letters in the alphabet. You are so smart."
"You cleaned your room all my yourself. Thank you for cleaning it without me reminding you. You are so responsible."
"Thank you for sharing with your sister. You are such a nice person."

So, now I am not only teaching my daughters that they are beautiful, to exercise, to be healthy, to be a good person, and they are smart.

In summary, I want them to be a well rounded, confident women.

Don't tell me to not compliment my daughters' looks. I do not want them to grow up thinking they are ugly (even if they were) because thinking you are ugly can do just as much damage as thinking you are pretty. At least the kind of damage all those people are saying that are caused by telling a girl she is cute or pretty. 

Bottom line is my daughters are special. I want them to believe that.